Eight Truths About Living In Paradise

1. The roads are consistently terrorized by tourists in Mustang convertibles who drive slower on inside lanes of the highway, and neglect to pull over for ambulance and fire trucks.

2. Most of us do not sit in offices equipped with breathtaking views of the Pacific Ocean  Contrarily, I spend my days staring at four white walls, attempting to tune out the sound of the toilet flushing each time someone exits the restroom.

3. Forget about remaining up-to-speed with what is new and hot on the radio.  It seems this island has mastered the art of morphing every single song into a surprisingly fitting reggae version of it’s original.

4. The majority of Hawaiian business practices have been deemed archaic, if not obsolete in “Mainland United States”.  Do not seek this as an opportunity to implement immediate change.  To say these folks are partial to their routine is an understatement of the highest degree.

5.  Crossfit is essentially a religion in this town, and those who practice are somewhat equivalent to Mormon missionaries, attempting to convert each new person they encounter to this way of life.

6. If you are vegetarian, or better yet, vegan, it might behoove you to reevaluate your dietary preferences before calling this place home.  Meals without beef, pork and/or fish are far and few between.

7.  If you possess any desire to fit in, you best be quick to adapt to the local dialect, referred to as “Pidgin”.  Raised by a journalist and a copywriter, I suppose you could say I’ve struggled to embrace email responses simply stating “if can” or “no need“.  I’m trying – yah?

8.  Lastly and most importantly, it truly is this beautiful – all the time.

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